Our Spirit Connects Us

How do you know when you’re on the right track?  I think you need to listen to your Spirit, that holy and divine essence that makes each of us move, but which over time and troubles can become encased in our shit!   Each of us has a small voice that speaks to us in subtle ways.  It’s the nudge that causes you to look to the side just in time to avoid an accident.  It’s the sense that you need to move or you’ll be bumped into by another person charging down the hallway.  It’s the image of a friend popping into your mind and then hearing a story about him, or seeing him pop up on facebook, or getting a phone call.  It’s the almost imperceptible pressure you sometimes feel when you’re alone or in deep thought, the sense that someone is there in the room with you while you’re alone. (more…)

Tan Lines

I was a beaming, sun-kissed goddess in the summers of my high school and college years.  I tanned easily to a rich bronze color.  I loved how pinks, corals, whites and pastels popped against my bronze skin.  And my naturally blonde hair, always bleached out further by the chlorine from the pool I practically lived in all summer, gave me a California Girl look.  My girlfriends and I competed (more…)

Prayer Enfolds Us

A friend of mine gave me a gift shortly after I was diagnosed with breast cancer:  a prayer shawl.  She had tears in her eyes as she handed me the package and told me what it was.  The shawl is one created by a group of women who come together and share scripture and hope and love and prayers while crocheting or knitting the wraps.  My shawl is made from a variegated aqua blue, green, and white soft-as-kitten-fur yarn.  The stitches are snugged together tight enough that you can’t poke your fingers through, yet loose enough that it has give when you wrap it around your shoulders.  When I throw it around me I imagine (more…)

Five Months Later

Today I hit an almost milestone.  Five months ago today I had my breast cancer surgery.  Whether it was a physical memory of the procedures that day or just routine aches, I found myself remembering the pace of that day with a little anguish.  I awoke exhausted this morning.  I couldn’t conceive of getting out of bed.  My body hurt all over.  And to make matters more aggravating, I was assured that my period once again started…eleven days after “Aunt Flo” left me… (more…)

I’m Being Phased Out…

This month has been a little more challenging for me than others this year.  (And we’re less than 40 days in to 2011!)   My period started at the end of January.  Sort of.  I think.  At least I hope that’s what’s going on now.  Or was going on.  Female issues have never been simple things in my life! 

Before I began Tamoxifen I was “like clockwork”.  Well, kinda.  I became syncopated later in life.  Thirty-eight years old to be exact.  Before that I might cycle three or four times a year.  But for roughly the last eleven years (more…)

“That’s What Friends Are For…”

My life really did drastically change after being diagnosed with breast cancer.  At first it was a battle.  Now, it’s a reality of my life.  Check ups. Evaluations. Medications. Side effects.  Residual pain. Coping.  Moving on.  I understand now that my life will always be a little different than it used to be.

Maybe that’s what Dr. Goulet was trying to get me to understand.  It’s a sobering revelation.

I’m starting to “get back out” among friends and colleagues.   I wasn’t aware of how isolated I’d made myself until (more…)